What the fuck, porn.

Dear Characters,

It's one of those nights don't judge. One of the most absurd things about me is that I have a very sexual personality. I love to kiss, bite, touch, and be all things dirty. This is a vice I love, however, to my dismay... I am also equipped with the virtue integrity. I refuse to date girls to fuck them, if I date them I love them.

Friends with benefits you ask...? Well that would work, if everyone wouldn't use that as a fucking ploy to date me. Women, realize this, if I don't want to date you and I tell you this before engaging in friends with benefits please take that to heart! Oh my fucking god. Not that anything happened this weekend pertaining to friends with benefits, nothing happened. I was just chatting with my ex, catching up. I don't believe you should drop your ex's if it can be helped, unless they're really unhealthy for you personally.

This ex is healthy for me, so no worries there. She was telling me about what she had been up to since we broke up. I was her first boyfriend and she's had two more since then. She told me that because she had been with me her confidence soared and she felt much more comfortable with herself personally. She didn't realize that she was attractive, she didn't realize that she was just a very very sexy person, she didn't realize that her personality on top of that was a great mix with her maturity. Every relationship I've been in has accomplished this and I am very happy about it. They begin to realize who they are, what they have.

Why is this partly an issue for me? Because it's after the break up they determine they're also very sexual. Talk about a suck sob for me. She even has that friend at the end of the week she goes to, an actual friend with benefits. I could not be more envious. It's kind of either/or for me, the reason being is because I've been fighting to figure out where integrity lies on this dangerous line.

Friends with benefits has never really worked for me. Again, a ploy to try and date me isn't friends with benefits. That's a disaster waiting to happen. I'm not ready to date! I think...

So now that my week is over, it's been rough, and I've not had a mutual companion to lean on/cuddle with for months. Surly you other Characters can understand my wild frustration. So there's porn, a poor, boring, immature, lackluster, tepid, in-escalating, crappy, waning, sad, failure of a compromise. To hell with that though, I would have skipped class to kiss my ex in the auditorium in school too but it wasn't me. I would have done a number of things with her had her mom not been a hawk when I was around but she was. Is this what it means to be a hopeless romantic? Somehow it is very unsatisfying and I don't plan on changing the way I am either. I almost feel justified looking this shit up.

Sincerely,

The Character