Every now and then I say a lot of good things, especially when people come to me for advice and I have a lot to say when it pertains to love. I'm just going to share the conversation. Make out of it what you will.
Me
What's bugging you?
12:03amKylie
boyfriend-not
12:03amMe
Why do you need one?
12:04amKylie is offline.
12:04amKylie is online.
12:05amKylie
just asked him if he wanted to get back together so its just the two of us, and he turned me down "No, not right now..." and then before I asked him, he asked as sexual question asking if we can still do something while we are "open"
and I said yes,
and then I asked...
and a couple of mins ago, I took back my answer about the sexual question and changed it to no
12:06amMe
He's looking for lust, drop it.
12:06amKylie
exactly...
12:06amMe
It doesn't work if it's one sided.
12:06amKylie
but I do love him....
At least... I think I do.. what is love?
12:06amMe
Ha,
12:07amMe
Love is when you're in a state of happiness OF YOURSELF. That may come from your surroundings or it may come from people, things even I suppose. Love can be a hobby. Love can be anything you shape it to be. Love is your personal Jesus.
12:09amKylie
ahahahahahahahaha well I want to be with him... and he says he wants to be with me, and well..... nevermind.
12:09amMe
and well what?
12:09amKylie
I feel like a whinning bitch.
12:09amMe
Whine to me all night please.
Look, are you looking for someone to love you or are you looking for someone to pleasure you?
12:10amKylie
love.
and if that comes to it, pleasure
12:11amMe
Okay, well from what it sounds like to me you're approaching what you WANT (because you technically don't NEED anyone) backwards.
This boyfriend is looking for lust.
12:11amKylie
and I know that...
12:11amMe
Right
You're looking for love.
12:11amKylie
but I want to be with him later in life.
and it is a long distance relationship
12:12amMe
Why did you break up with him then?
12:12amKylie
I didn't
12:12amMe
Oh.
xP
Anyway
12:12amKylie
and he didn't
12:12amMe
Oh... ?
???
12:12amKylie
we just kinda agreed to start an open relationship... just so we can see what we're missing...
12:12amMe
But you want him to yourself.
12:12amKylie
and he was always alright with the fact that we can get back together completely whenever.
12:13amMe
I don't like that though. It's not 'stable' enough.
12:13amKylie
and so I asked tonight, and suddenly after all his bitching, he says "no, not right now"
exactly
12:13amMe
Right, he's lusting.
;/
I've never done well in relationships.
12:14amKylie
and it hurts.
12:14amMe
3 months, all my girlfriends. I loved them all but I didn't love them in a sense of ...
soul mate fashion?
I loved them for being my friend or being someone that I could love on every now and then.
12:16amKylie
this is what he said:
[12:15:25 AM] Ethan "MrTizzay" Thibault: Promise me you'll want to later! I want to know what's wrong, what I DID wrong, and make it right! If not then at least say goodnight to me! It irritates you when people log off on you, it hurts me to have you of all people just stop talking without even saying goodnight or something!
12:16amMe
Some didn't like it, but you can't force an agenda on someone or a loyalty system when they're not ready.
12:16amKylie
what does it mean?
tell me what feelings lie behind that!
12:16amMe
Alright, hold on.
12:17amMe
Because he has established love/lust with you he wants to keep it.
And
He wants to make sure that his agenda (which should come first) isn't going to hurt you.
Because he does care about you. Not necessarily as a lover but as a sincere friend.
But I could be wrong.
12:19amKylie
maybe.
12:20amMe
That's how this feels to me, because while I've never ever wanted an open relationship... I always made sure that my ex-girlfriend was okay because I didn't want them to be mad at me for the choices I made for the better of overall both of our lives.
12:20amKylie
I see...
12:20amMe
People who do that are people you want to keep around. The only difference is every now and then you get an asshole who isn't responsible and doesn't understand what he/she wants.
12:20amKylie
thank you.
12:20amMe
You're welcome.
I hope I could help, because you are a friend to me Kylie.
12:21amKylie
as are you.
12:21amMe
I don't date for a reason, or get a girlfriend.
I simply...
1) Have a terrible time falling for people.
2) I was always too curious to see how it could work with someone else.
Because I number two I know I'm not going to be ready to be in a relationship for a while.
12:22amKylie
its smart
12:23amMe
Yes, it also helps keep people from having the dreading feeling you get from when you don't understand what your love wants.
12:23amKylie
oh yeah.
*sigh **
12:24amMe
Loving a video game, or a toaster is easy. You give it attention and it will give that attention right back to you.
12:24amKylie
why couldn't you have told me this earlier?
ahahahahaha
12:24amMe
:):)
Because no one asks me these things!
Loving a person is hard because then you either find someone who suits your mold or you have to give up on a few things to make the 'compromise'.
Most people don't hand over all of their love to one person or thing, because they're either bigger than that, or because it is a love that is a workable imperfect fit.
12:27amMe
Which the imperfect fit may be stressed but I believe it becomes its own mold where the love can be sustained.
I just don't understand why people get married to watch television in different rooms though.
That's bull shit.
12:27amKylie is offline.
12:28amMe
Rant rant rant rant rant. (While you were away).
12:28amKylie is online.
12:28amKylie
ahahahahahahaha
thank you.
Please, keep talking.
12:28amMe
You're welcome. If you need to talk just please come talk to me.
I may lecture people every now and then but most of the time I'm ranting.
Especially about love! I'm always thinking about love and the web it makes.
Goes on forever.
12:29amKylie
I'm tired of talking though, I want to listen.
12:29amMe
Take cookies for instance.
Okay, I'll talk, hush hush.
Cookies, my love hate relationship.
Cookies are the best sweet in the world. I love them. BUT, they give me a mad case of acne, so I don't eat them.
So I have to compromise because I also love being in shape and having good hygene.
I just simply can't have cookies very often if at all!
It's a relationship that I had to quit for what I believe was better overall.
12:32amMe
Sure it sucks, and yes people may take a different perspective and I'm not going to contest their opinion. I only would when the relationship is obviously too poisonous overall.
I'm not going to appreciate a diabetic artery clogged fat dying smoking bitch eating any god damn cookies.
She loves the cookies but the cookies are killing her.
That shit pisses me off.
=================
This is some of my philosophy behind how I personally feel about love and relationships. As a matter of fact I think I'm very much in love with someone right now, however that relationship is one I never allowed myself to manifest, keep that poker face on for them. That love wasn't a love that I saw working, fitting, fixing itself into it's own mold. I'm not sure that love will work because I want to pour all my love into this person who we can share experiences with. I'm not saying spend every waking moment with her, but have someone to plan my life around. However, personally, I think they're pretty distracted with lots of things about life in general. Perhaps that's why I like her.
Unfortunately that's another reason to keep things the way they are even if it's one of the last things I actually want that to be.
UGH! I don't even think I explained this right, it doesn't make a lick of fucking sense. I almost feel ashamed to think that I love someone and this is how I explained it. Pathetic.
You know you're in love if you can't explain it.
Sincerely,
The Character
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